The Battle of "Loo"

" Hey Shenji, the toilet's stuck. You might want to check it out." Those were the words my roommate greeted me the moment I reached my apartment . Having a stuck toilet can be a nightmare for me. Afterall, the toilet is the most important place for me in any residential area. Nervously, I placed my bag down on the floor and marched courageously to the toilet getting ready to find out what was the cause behind the toilet's malfunction. As I walked to the toilet, my roommate formed a cheeky grin on his face which started to escalate my anxiety. Hoping for the best, I hope that the cause behind the malfunction of the toilet was due to excessive accumulation of toilet paper. I peeked into the toilet bowl with my finger cross and to my horror...it wasn't toilet paper that caused the toilet bowl to get stuck;instead, it was a pile of "chocolate cake" which was stucked deeply behind the flush hole of the bowl. The "chocolate cake" wasn't from the oven; it was from a homosapien's body.

" Shenji, is that yours?" asked my roommate. Shocked and embarrased to hear such accusation from my roommate, I immediately defended myself with my flush-immediately-after-finishing-business policy. However, as I recalled that morning, when I was in the toilet doing my "business", I had to flush the toilet several times to get rid of the "cake" I made. The "cake" was solid hard as it has been a while since I visited the toilet; so it required repeated flushing. Maybe I forgot to flush it again; that's why the "cake" reappeared. After concluding that the "cake" belonged to me, I shamefully admitted that it was my doing that caused the toilet bowl to malfunction. " Well...I guess you've gotta find a way to fix it up then," said my roommate. " Hey buddy, how bout you....", I paused my question as I witnessed the there's-no-way-I'm going-to-clean-it-up-for-you esspression on my roommate's face the moment I called him. Knowing that I had to somehow fix this problem, I rolled up my sleeves and stared at the toilet bowl thinking about the solutions to this problem.

The only way to unclogged the toilet bowl was to removed the pile of "cake" which was hiding deeply behind the flush hole. The problem was how can I remove it given my current tools available to me which only consisted of my toothbrush....and my fingers. I looked at my index finger considering whether to use it to unclog the toilet bowl but after feeling sick from the smell of the cake that has evaprated into the atmosphere of the toilet, I knew it was just suicidal to use my finger. I looked at my toothbrush and then started considering. The thought of getting a new toothbrush was just too troublesome therefore I decided to spare my toothbrush. So the fingers and the toothbrush was out of the option, I continued to figure out other alternatives. My roommate then suggested that I borrowed a toilet plunger from the front desk of the apartment to unclog the cake. Clever of him to suggest that, but I even had a clever idea of thinking about asking the guy at the frontdesk to do it for me. However, after getting a brief flash of the future in the event where I got the toilet plunger with the contents of the toilet bowl shoved into my face by the guy at the front desk, I decided to do it myself. Afterall, a real man handles his own shit.

The moment I got the toilet plunger , it was time to combat the greatest enemy...which was myself...well, actually my own shit. So after, folding up my sleeves, I grab the plunger tightly and I started charging for the enemy waiting for me behind the flush hole daring me to approach him. Fortunately, I was couragoeus enough to land the surface of the plunger onto the flush hole. Yes! I accomplished the first step to victory. Forming a grin on my face, I told my enemy that he's in the process of annihalation. The next thing to do was to press and pull the plunger that was attach tightly to the surface of the flush hole. After telling myself to cowboy the fxxk up, I started pumping the flush hole with the plunger. The sound of the pumping was disgusting and it made my gut felt funny. I could hear the enemy persuading me to stop what I was doing as I deserved better. He also persuuaded me to let the toilet clog....afterall its mine, so it wouldn't be that bad if it were to be compared to my roommate's one. Furiously,I fought back and insisted on continuing the battle. My roommate who was curious about me talking to myself then came to spectate the battle. As I continued pumping, a drop of "chocolate milk" then jumped onto my left forearm. I shrieked in terror and the next thing I knew, I attratcted some other occupants to my room who thought that a girl was being raped. My roommate just stood there expressionless and watched me struggle in terror.I couldn't really blame him; the sight of it was just terryfying enough to even stunned an ancient Spartan warrior.I had to admit that the enemy was good seeing that it was capable of pulling a stunt like that on me. Nevertheless, my fighting spirit did not dissapear as I continued to pump more. After a few minutes. the water in the toilet bowl started to subside. I knew then it was time to flush. I immediately hit the flush handle and the next thing I knew, VICTORY! The "cake" was flushed down to the deep dark sewers where it belong. I finaly beaten myself...well actually my own shit and I felt very proud and glorious....just like when Rocky beat Apollo Creed in the movie Rocky.

Showered in joy, I threw my hands in the air without realising that the plunger with the cake in it was still attach to one of my hands. The next thing I knew, I heard a girl crying and screaming. Alarmend by the cry, I immediately looked around and to my horror, it was actually my roommate screaming as there were pieces of "me" all over him. Shocked and traumatised by his repulsive looks, I slipped back and I slammed against the "soft" wall. Wondering why was the wall soft, I looked behind and got a shock again---the wall was also covered by "me". My back had pieces of "me" and I continued screaming like a damsel in distress. Later on, I felt a small drizzle on my head. I then started to wonder how could it be drizzling in my toilet. As I looked up, the ceiling of the toilet was covered in "me". What thought to be a victorious battle turned out to be a devestating loss as my enemy (which was "myself") was everywhere. The moment I looked at the plunger, I saw more of "me" hiding behind the edges of the inner rubbery area. At that point, I could hear "myself" laughing at me telling that I foolishly lost the battle.

"He" said that I can't be defeated since I am "him". The plunger, the tool that I hope to destroy my greatest enemy turned out to be the one that destroyed me and my roommate at the end. How ironic. The Battle of "Loo" will be a battle to remember.